One of the best moments of being an educator is watching a student who’s always been behind come in beaming, telling you they passed their test with a higher grade than they ever expected. But one time, a student came to me with a good result and asked, “Are you proud of me?”
That question stopped me. It made me realise how many students quietly attach their self-esteem to their work, how a test score is a measurement of their worth.
I told her, “I’m always proud of you, of your hard work, regardless.” Then I asked her something different: “How do you feel about your result today?”
Your work, test result is not you
On the other hand, we have many high achieved students and they’re never happy with their work or themselves. We all know great work takes attention to detail, raising your standards, refining a draft, checking your working one more time. But there’s a line between striving to do great work and perfectionism, and it comes down to a single realisation: your work, your test result, is not you.
A great piece of work reflects how much time and effort went into it, how carefully you attended to detail, even your mood that day and how well your test taking skills held up. It does not reflect how good or bad you are as a person.
The difference between striving to do a better job and perfectionism
There’s a real difference between a child who wants to do a better job because they enjoy doing it and like the process of improving it and they know they can do it. A perfectionist is someone who wants to perfect it so they can earn parents and teachers’ approval and validation, chasing a moment of pride or relief rather than the work itself, often to the point of exhausting themselves.
Learning as magic, not as a test of worth
Learning comes easier, and stays enjoyable, when a child believes in what they can do and understands that difficulty and repetition are simply part of getting good at something, not evidence that something is wrong with them.
Learning is powerful. It can feel like magic. But only when it’s approached with joy and kindness, not harshness and criticism.